A’Salam Hijabers,
I would like to share how I made the hijrah from being a defiant to a Muslimah-in-progress.
I was a ‘naughty’ girl like most teenager/young adults we were expose to many vices and temptations. I drank, smoke and had multiple partners. I wasn’t ashamed in wearing sexy clothing that showed my womanly body. The more people looked at me be it male or female, I liked it. I loved the attention though I always acted cool about it.
Then I found my life partner. He wasn’t a saint either. We partied together till we got married and promised that we will ‘slow down’ and will ‘cut down’ vices altogether when the time is right. When is the ‘right time’? I always asked. Most people I spoke to will say, ‘You will know’.
Pray, I rarely do my obligations, only when I’m sad or in need of a revelation. Then the catastrophe came. I’m pregnant and my baby might be disabled. I cried hopelessly and kept asking the ‘Why Me?’ questions. I kept blaming myself for all the sins that I have done and now my baby is paying the price. I had nightmares of how my baby might look like and the ridicule that he/she will face from others. I was in near depression. I was helpless. I find solace in prayers. I started praying. I went for my pilgrimage. The 36 weeks were a very anxious and traumatic experience. Praises to Allah, my baby was normal. All the tests that concluded that my baby might be disabled were merely tests from HIM. Allah won’t test a person beyond his/her capabilities and every time He tests you, He is only making you stronger. Have faith in Him and yourself.
I only wore hijab a few years after that. I wanted to make sure that I do this for HIM and not anyone else. The feeling was great. I feel naked without it. The strange thing is I don’t feel hot or will perspire profusely like how I used to think I’d feel. I pray that I will never remove my hijab under any circumstances. I don’t claim being a saint now, but I am more conscious on how I act and talk to people. I don’t change on who I am inside just mending ways to be a better person. I am still learning. I still have my flaws and I am determined to be a better Muslimah, a role model for my children to emulate. InsyaAllah.
Thank you Hijabers for reading this. If you do publish my story, I hope I can inspire more sisters out there not to be afraid and always to have faith. HE is always there. HE does not fail us, we fail HIM.
W’salam
Noor
Published With Love & Gratitude to the All-Mighty by Hijabers Singapore <3
